Just realised I’ve been running at full speed on all fronts for quite a while now. Busy with work, busy with family, very busy socially.  It’s like I can hear some GA in my head going “Please keep your hands and feet in the vehicle at all times, because this is going to be one hell of a ride!”

There are so many things I want to do but can’t seem to find the time for. They’ll have to wait, one thing at a time. The other day I thought it was a bit ridiculous that I told a friend who wanted to have a casual dinner that I could pencil him in for the second week of June. Like wth??

On the self front, I’m learning to set boundaries with everything and everyone around me. This is something that was mentioned briefly during my sessions but I did not dwell on it until later. It’s about protecting myself and not getting hurt, frustrated, disappointed by the actions of others.

It’s about knowing that I value myself and that I deserve to be treated in a respectful and honorable manner. It’s about learning to say no and standing up for myself and not letting others walk all over me, whether it be at home, at work, or elsewhere. It is hard to set boundaries that you know involve some sort of assertion on your part because usually the outcome is not pleasant. There will be reactions and conflict because you let the other person know that they have crossed the line and are encroaching on your boundary and it upsets them because it seems like you’re not willing to help them or do things for them.

But here lies the other important lesson i’ve learned, that I am just responsible for myself, and other people are responsible for themselves. Such an easy concept on paper, but so hard to grasp. But I’ve stopped believing that other people have power over me emotionally, that they can guilt me into doing things or feeling things I don’t want to do. No one can cause me to feel shame, unhappiness, pain, guilt or despair. Only I am responsible for my feelings and emotions.

Similarly I am not responsible for other people’s unhappiness, heartbreak, anger. There is no such thing as “You make me so angry” or “You hurt me so much” because it’s just not true. Nobody hurt them, they just allowed their feelings to overwhelm them. I realise I’ve been punishing myself for so long just trying to anticipate what other people’s reactions will be if i did or didn’t do something. By feeling responsible for what they felt or how they would feel, I shortchanged myself on so many fronts and sometimes even tried to be someone I wasn’t. Leaving all of that chaos behind now. Remember that, we are all only responsible for ourselves.