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Saturday

February 6, 2010

Tricycle’s Daily Dharma

Transferring Merit

When a candle is lit in a dark room, it illuminates the room to some extent, but its power is limited. But if you use the same candle to light another candle, the total brightness increases. If you continue to do this, you can fill the room with brilliant illumination. The idea of transferring merit to others is like this. If we keep our own light selfishly hidden, it will only provide a limited amount of illumination. But when we share our light with others, we do not diminish our own light. Rather, we increase the amount of light available to all. Therefore, when others light our candle, we issue forth light. When out of gratitude we use our candle to light other people’s candles, the whole room gets brighter. This is why we transfer merit to others. This kind of light is continuous and inexhaustible.

- Master Sheng Yen from “Rich Generosity” (Spring 2009)

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Saturday

February 6, 2010

And just like that it’s been a year. Last month the thought fleetingly crossed my mind, it will soon be exactly a year since I’ve been single. A key milestone to mark the survival of not just the many months that passed but also all the relevant birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

As it turns out the day in question was my grandmother’s funeral and I was too busy and emotionally wound up to even realise it until the aftermath. I’m sure there is a deeper meaning to this coincidence, a synchronicity I have yet figured out.

I have seldom talked about this thing that broke me. The sadness and hurt and anger of someone leaving me. The emotional attachment that I desperately wanted to be severed deftly and swiftly. The blow to my self esteem.

I didnt want to give it any more attention than it deserved, i didnt want to fall into the trap of being weak, or in an attempt to salvage some pride, give the impression that life wasnt going swimmingly. But everyone knows it was like the big elephant in the corner I was trying to conceal.

It was tough, and still is in some ways.

There were dreams that would recur, places I had to stop frequenting, routines I changed. But these were easy, the easiest.

The hard part was convincing myself there was a reason for all of this, to move from self blame to acceptance, to figure out the lessons I was meant to learn, to let go with love.

And the pain. I wanted to stop the pain. I filled the emptiness with a lot of doing and going so I wouldn’t have to deal with the feeling. But that is like running away, it doesn’t work. So I finally just let it wash over me and soon I reached the point where I could go no lower. And one day it just went away, as if I got so used to it I didn’t even notice it any more.

And because the powers up there do not take without giving something in return, plenty of good has come from this:

Learning to restore balance in my life

Letting others in, not just one

Examining who I am and where I want to be

I know I can dissolve the facade of aloofness I instinctively put up and let my light and gifts shine through

My heart has grown ten times bigger and it’s not only gotten stronger, but softer as well

Having faith in life, people and everything around me

This was the entry I meant to write at the start of the year, I guess i just wasn’t ready. Maybe it’s the effect of 立春 or just that time of year to be older and wiser but, I think I’m going to be ok. Probably even more than ok.

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Just something about greens

January 18, 2010

I’ve been trying to stick to a healthier, more fulfilling diet  so everyday I pack some greens and bring them to the office for lunch. But all the work has to be done the night before. Thought i’d just snap a few pictures tonight to document the process.

First I wash and chop up half a carrot and half a Japanese cucumber

Throw in some cherry tomatoes and diced celery

I love edamame but it’s too expensive to buy them straight from Japanese restaurants. The next best alternative is to get salted ones in the frozen section of NTUC (or Fairprice Finest for some people). They’re sold at only $2.90 a pack. To preserve the shelf life, I only thaw a handful at a time when I want to eat them.

Then they have to be shelled… but the colour is so vibrant and lovely!

The other Japanese vege I love is wakame and it’s incredibly easy to prepare. Soak a few dried leaves in some hot water and they’ll reconstitute in two minutes. I love the sea-salty flavour and it’s got wonderful health benefits — great for lowering triglycerides.

Mint is great, nature’s own spearmint.

Tonight I added something new. Chestnuts! Or rather, just one. I thought it would add something really crunchy to the whole mix.  But after I sliced it up I realise it was much wetter than I expected, so I’m hoping it won’t be all soggy tomorrow.

I raided the fridge and found this stuck in a corner, a gift from the sister’s boyfriend in Paris. It’s really yummy so I scooped out a dollop and plonked it down with the cherry tomatoes.

No salad is complete without the leaves. These will be lightly rinsed and shredded tomorrow just before I toss everything together.

Salad dressing is really easy too. Sometimes I add some Japanese sesame and soy sauce, or if I want something sweeter,  a spoonful of apricot jam (the diabetics’ version for reduced sugar). If I can be bothered, a little lemon juice mixed with some honey or maple syrup works too. But usually the vegetables have enough flavour on their own to go without any dressing.

I love my lunches. Increasingly I’m finding it hard to stomach cooked food sold at the usual cheap places. I get incredibly thirsty from all the MSG and I just feel really bloated after, as if I can literally feel all the lard and oil clogging my arteries.

I’ve started saving some recipes on Epicurous on my iphone so I can modify them from time to time.  This week I’m also looking to try a Thai version with lemongrass, and perhaps something provencal with flaked tuna and apples.